I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
