This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
