Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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