Dual....:-)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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