if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
