Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
