Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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