just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
