the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to sanitize my soul.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
