Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
