It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
