yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
