so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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