So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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