I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
