OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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