Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
