His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
