walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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