I hate all girls vehemently.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
