don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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