why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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