I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
