omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
