I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have post one night stand depression
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