You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
