i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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