I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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