Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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