Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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