R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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