I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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