im six kinds of drunk right now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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