i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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