When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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