So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
