he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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