I'm so fucking centered right now
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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