he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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