the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
