Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.