everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK