I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine