he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong