Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.