OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
