i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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