Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
