I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
