maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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