people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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