He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
