Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
