better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
