mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
