did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
