Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
