debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
