I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
