your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The struggles of a small town man whore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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