I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
