My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
