Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
