He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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