What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
