im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
