so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
