between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
