He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
