i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
