Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
