I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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