Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
